I quit going to class most days. We never do anything, why the hell should I bother to show up? Besides I really do need my rest. It's nearly finals and I have a few papers to write so I'll probably be pretty busy until the end of the semester. My last final is on Dec. 22 and then the next morning I will catch an early flight home. I cannot wait to see my boyfriend. I need him to fuck me, it's all I think about, sex! Oh God he is so good, he amazes me. He's go that nice long hard thick cock that every girl dreams about. It's big, but not too big so that it hurts and feels like someone is trying to poke a hole in your guts. Sometimes it hits so deep that I think he did pierce my insides, but he's so sweet and caring that as soon as he sees that look of "i-think-you-just-crushed-my-uteris" he immediately pulls out a bit and gets this looks of "o my" on his face and he says'oh are you ok" in this sweet sincere little voice and then we both smile and I say "too deep, it's ok now" and we both go at it again. He's just the best, obviously my first? hopefully my only! I can actually feel him trying to hold back after this happens so that he doesn't hurt me again, it's so sweet, but really honey, the only reason you went too deep in the first place was because I was pushing you in. I love it hard and rough, I know you know that. That's why when you try to lighten up like that I always push you down and then jump on top and ride you like a galloping stallion! I can't wait to come home, you know how much I need your cock and being away from it this long really makes me hurt. Although these vibrators are keeping me satisfied, it's certainly no replacement to you. Nothing compares to the way you fuck me! Hell, it's you I dream about when I'm masturbating. The way you dominate me, tie me, call me names, slap me, everything, it makes me so hot just thinking about. I better stop now before I get myself all worked up. I can't wait to come home!

I get stoned way too much. When I'm on the train I feel that nervous coming, my palms get sweaty, my stomach knots up, my heartbeat becomes irregular. It's a miserable feeling, then you start breathing like you've just finished running a marathon- an anxiety attack. It's the least pleasant feeling I can recall. The best way to treat it is with benzos- xanax, valium, lorazepam, that type of thing, but since I'm a benzo addict I try not to pop pills too often. Instead, I smoke weed/pot. It helps shortterm to make the anxiety go away, dry up my palms, just makes me feel better. It calms me down, if it doesn't make me feel GOOD than it atleast makes me NOT feel BAD.
I started smoking when I was 13, after a couple years it stopped having that STONED effect and instead whenever I smoked it just made me feel normal. Still I smoke it though, it truly is a wonder drug.

What a strange combination. I've been convinced, I take back every single anti-Christ and Jesus Freak joke I've ever made. There is a God and today he has decided to intervene in my life, perhaps to change it for the better. It is only 10:15 and already I've had the best day. I was awoken around 8:30 by the postman delivering my new vibrator/dildo thingy, which incidentally takes batteries that I do not feel like seeking out so early, lulckily, the free 8" vibrator that came for free with any purchase took these lovely AAA batteries here, so I've been pleasuring myself all morning. I put an ad up on a personal's website promising some guy pictures of me masturbating if they buy me something off my "wish list" from this adult store website. It was kind of a joke but a lot of these guys took me up on my offer. Of course most of them were just trying to get naked pics and even more creepy- my address, I set up a wish list so that I didn't have to give out my address. That's when most of my responders seemed to disappear. Ah well, otherwise I was just lying in bed getting stoned before taking the subway 1.5 hours to Manhattan for class when my phone rang. I was a NY number and no name showed up on my caller ID but the number did. It was this woman at this telemarketing office calling me about a job interview I had gone on about 1.5 months ago! I never got so much as a phone call and now they're calling me back! It's a great job, pays well, and it's right near my apartment, 3 subway stops away. She asked my to call her back after Christmas and arrange something, I hope I hope. I just pray that things go as well for me in classes today. I only have two and one is a lecture, but I haven't been in over a month, and the other is Speech, but I gave my speech last week so I just sit tight for two hours until I die of boredom. Oh well, I really should be getting on to class, I just thought that I'd share my fantastic day with all of you! Can't wait to get home and play with my new toys! I really am so horny being so far away from my boyfriend, but my gosh it's only been a week since I was back with him!

Peace!

I woke up around 4 or 5 am and looked out m bedroom window to see everything covered in about 3 inches of snow. It wasn't supposed to snow until Monday, but atleast now I have an excuse to stay inside all day. All the white snow looked really pretty on top of all those buildings' roofs, but now it's all just melting and turning into polluted black mush. This whole city is so disgusting! I really want to go back to Nashville, my boyfriend said that it was 63Fahrenheit yesterday. Everything here is so dirty, when I walk the three blocks down 86th St Brooklyn to the subway I spend most of the walk dodging pieces of trash that were strewn across the streets. It appears to me that this is the case in almost all parts of NYC. I hate the winter but the snow seems to make it all better. I believe, however, that I prefer the snow back in TN because it comes less often and is less predictable. I'd say that more than 85% of all the snow predictions for Nashville miss us. So when it actually does snow it's like a miracle! Snow is cool, how much did you actually expect me to say about snow?

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